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Ashes, Australia

Smith plans to keep swinging from the arse

Rooters, Taunton

Usman Khawaja laughed when Steve Smith said he was "covering for Pup".

Usman Khawaja laughed when Steve Smith said he was “covering for Pup”.

Two days after the Cricket Australia National Selection Panel (NSP) advised a dumbfounded nation that Steve Smith had been added to the Australian Ashes squad on the VB Tour of England, the T20 specialist has been left out of the side to play Somerset in Taunton starting Wednesday.

Opener Chris Rogers has also been left out of the line-up for the opening match, but along with Smith, is tipped to be a front-runner for the first Test against England at Trent Bridge starting on July 10.

As a man with the moniker of someone who has received many things in life on a silver platter, Steven Peter Devereux Smith has strolled around training without a care in the world.

Seen chatting animatedly with the more technically proficient Usman Khawaja, Smith was heard to say, “Yeah, nah. They actually said I’m covering for Pup (Australian captain and fiercely metrosexual Michael Clarke).”

“My 92 in India was brilliant. I’ll be the first to admit that,” he gloated. “And the 46 in the next Test was pretty good too. But no bastard was making any runs so my knocks stuck out like dog’s balls.”

“But the best part was when I slogged 133 against Ireland in Belfast. Fucking Belfast!” he laughed. “The Irish bowlers were letting them go like they were pissed and I reckon their captain probably was.”

“We were 2 for fuck all when I went in and 6 for 130 odd after 41. Fair dinkum, I’m fucking awesome.”

Smith considers himself to be an outstanding player of spin but believes that he has improved on his batting against quality swing bowling, which he hopes he can continue to improve with each game.

“I probably didn’t start off my Test career as well as I would have liked,” he admitted. “Swinging from the arse always worked for me in juniors and I still reckon I can keep that shit up against the big boys.”

“I feel as though I’ve changed a few things with my batting that have made me improve as a player and hopefully I can start to introduce the ramp and a few other gnarly shots to the Test arena. That’ll get the bums on seats and chicks dig it!”

Vice-captain Brad Haddin said it was a major boost to have Smith back in the squad.

“It’s great news. He’ll take the media spotlight away from me when I throw my wicket away when it gets a bit tough in the first Test,” Haddin said excitedly. “He’s even more of an irresponsible flat track bully than me. You watch him go!”



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