CRICKET Australia chief executive James Sutherland welled up when the press gallery suggested he had blood on his hands after the latest of the national team’s ongoing controversies.
Asked if the continuing dramas were embarrassing for the highly paid fan boy, he was on the back foot and playing and missing like Phil Hughes.
“I don’t think it’s about me at all,” Sutherland sobbed. “It’s the Australian cricket fans’ fault. They keep sending me emails and texts and everything. I’m just about ready to shut down my Twitter account which sucks arse ‘cos (sic) I love playing on my phone.”
“You know. Why’d you make a Saffa our coach? Nah, nah, nah. Stop rotating the bowlers. Nah, nah, nah. Don’t suspend Watson home then make him captain. Nah, nah, nah. It fucking shits me.”
Despite being in charge when Arthur was appointed after the Argus Review following the 2010/11 Ashes series, Sutherland – who denied there was a ‘rot’ setting in – said while he has looked at the wider issues Cricket Australia needs to address, he has not reflected on his own position.
“My position?” he exclaimed. “Be fucked! It’s got absolutely fuck all to do with me. I only sat in on the coach interviews and I was on the panel that recommended Clarke should be a selector but they wouldn’t let me vote.”
“It’s Mark Taylor’s fault. And bloody Pat Howard. And silly old fucking Don Argus. I’ve given Arthur the arse and told Clarke to pull his head in. What else do you want? Why don’t the boys like me anymore?”
When asked about his approach and what he would do for cohesion, Lehmann responded: “I’ve banned that fucking Sutherland bloke from the rooms, the nets, the showers and any bar I’m sucking piss in for starters.”
“That sooky prick hangs around like a bloody kid. He tries on everyone’s pads, demands to have a bowl with the new net balls and pinches my smokes. It has to stop right fucking now.”