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Australia, England, ODI

‘Discontent? Nah, shit no. Watto’s awesome’ – Watson

Rooters, Southampton

'Does anyone have any hair gel?'

‘Does anyone have any hair gel?’

Shane Watson predicted a bright future for Shane Watson after his team finished their otherwise forgettable Ashes tour in style by nailing the ‘Who Gives A Fuck Cup’ one-day series with a 49-run win over England at Southampton.

As he tends to do, Watson made a big hundred to keep the selectors from sniffing around his bot-bot as he belted 143 from 107 balls with 12 fours and six sixes, passing 5,000 one-day runs in the process

Watson’s eighth one-day hundred was the decisive factor as Australia won their first trophy of an English summer in which they had their pants pulled down in the Champions Trophy and the Ashes series.

During the trip they gave a coach the arse and there were reports of discontent in the camp but Watson insists they are a happier squad now ahead of the upcoming tour to India and a home Ashes series.

“Discontent? Nah, shit no. Watto’s awesome,” said Watson. “As long as Watto’s happy Watto doesn’t give a fuck what the rest of them are doing. Does anyone have any hair gel?”

Two of the ODIs were washed out but wins at Manchester and Southampton were enough for Clarke to get his hands on the silverware with Watson predicting more success to come under coach Darren Lehmann.

“If we can keep playing against teams who refuse to pick most of their good players then Watto’ll be fucking sweet, mate,” Watson said enthusiastically. “Things have changed quite a bit but the most important thing is that Watto is enjoying himself. At the start of the tour Watto was not enjoying himself. Does anyone have any hair gel?”

“Watto wanted things to change in a big way and for Watto to be more consistent. Watto is excited. Does anyone have any hair gel?”

Clarke praised Watson for showing his class at the end of a long and gruelling tour.

“We have worked extremely hard and this is a nice reward,” Clarke said. “Shane has a smile on his face, which he does when he does well because as you know, it’s all about Shane. For Christ sake, can one of you blokes get him some fucking hair gel?”

Watson got to three figures off 87 balls but once his hair gel dried up he chucked it in and made a mad dash for the pavilion just when Australia were looking to accelerate in the closing overs. Selfish prick.

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