George Bailey, the mature-aged debutant whose confrontation with James Anderson ignited the tense finale to the first Test, says he was not perturbed by a threat from the England fast bowler to give him a “chinese burn” and predicts the “naughty words” that were exchanged at the Gabba will continue in Adelaide next week.
The tin-arsed Tasmanian was decked out in a helmet and fielding at short leg late on the fourth and final day in Brisbane when Anderson is alleged to have threatened him with what has been revealed as the act of grabbing a victim’s forearm in two hands and twisting the skin in opposite directions.
“He must have been a bit upset about the way the game was going, I guess,” Bailey, 47, said. “He said he’d give me a ‘chinese burn’ so I just told him, ‘You’re not the boss of me!’”
“Then he said that he knew karate and he was going to judo chop me on the nose so I just said ‘Your mama!’ and that just made him more huffy.”
Anderson walked from the pitch between overs and stood over the smiling Bailey in a threatening manner for an extended time late on the fourth day.
“He said ‘Awww just shut up!’ Bailey revealed. “So then I said ‘I don’t shut up, I grow up, and every time I look at you I throw up, and every time I turn around you lick it up!’”
“That was my best one. Easy.”
Bailey claimed Anderson, who by this stage was huffing and puffing with snot flying from his flared nostrils, then told the Test rookie, “Awww get fucked! You’re just a fucking fuckhead, George Bailey!”
“Then I told him ‘I know you are, but what am I?’ and that’s when he went and dobbed to the umpires on me,” said a clearly chuffed Bailey.
Captain Michael Clarke seemed incensed by what he had heard and told Anderson to face up and ”get ready for a broken fucking arm” as Mitchell ‘MiJo’ Johnson prepared to bowl at his head again.
“Anderson brought it on himself, so fuck him,” said fast-bowler Peter Siddle who promised to give the Englishman “a nipple cripple next time I see the prick”.
The confrontation led to Clarke being charged by the fucking International Cricket Council because his fucking comments were accidentally fucking broadcast after some fucking dickhead from Channel fucking Nine, whose only fucking job is to push the fucking ‘on/off’ button, was scratching his fucking cods when the skipper said the fucking word “fucking”. Fuck!
In a overly heavy-handed rebuke, the ICC has sensationally stripped Clarke of his Nintendo Wii for a week, which really sucked arse as the Australian captain had just got the all important big solo in Megadeth’s ‘Holy Wars…..The Punishment Due’ down pat on Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock and it had taken him all week.
“Kyly (Clarke’s tidy as buggery missus) was really proud of me”, lamented Clarke. “It’s not fair!”
Anderson, in his book, had told how he hit an ”arrogant” Clarke with a pad in the Australian dressing room after England’s defeat in Adelaide in 2006-07 in response to a seemingly innocuous “wet willy” from the Australian.