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RootersCricket

RootersCricket has written 45 posts for Rooters Cricket

Your call. Which Pom is the biggest front running piss weak soft cock?

If you’re anything like the rock hard Australian Test team, you’ll be sporting a gargantuan boner until Boxing Day. Then, the day after Santa’s Birthday, you’ll get on with following up a big day on the piss with your favourite alcoholic uncle with a God-Almighty monster session on the green cans for five days as … Continue reading

Shane Watson is a pain in the arse

Rooters, Perth   A couple of weeks before the Gabba Test, Shane Watson sat in front of a mirror in the foyer of the Intercontinental Hotel in Sydney and he was talking about Shane Watson. Specifically, he was talking about Shane Watson’s hair. And Shane Watson’s muscles. “As long as I have time to get … Continue reading

BREAKING NEWS: Poms whinge. Australians don’t give a fuck.

Rooters, Adelaide Cricket Australia officials were thrown into a flap during the week after the appearance of a story written by Kenyan-born, former England fast-bowling, potato chip enthusiast and lardy-boy Derek Pringle in the London Telegraph. The great big bastard, who changed his name to that of his favourite crisp in the late 1980s, once … Continue reading

Anderson ‘said he’d give me a ‘chinese burn” – Bailey

Rooters, Sydney George Bailey, the mature-aged debutant whose confrontation with James Anderson ignited the tense finale to the first Test, says he was not perturbed by a threat from the England fast bowler to give him a “chinese burn” and predicts the “naughty words” that were exchanged at the Gabba will continue in Adelaide next … Continue reading

Former English Test legends lose their shit

Rooters, Brisbane Two days after slamming Australia’s batting as the “weakest Ashes line-up ever”, resident English commentary pullthrough Sir Ian Botham has described his countrymen’s first innings batting capitulation at the Gabba as “a fucking train wreck”. The front-running flip-flopper said the Poms had only themselves to blame for a spectacular collapse before tea, during … Continue reading

‘Discontent? Nah, shit no. Watto’s awesome’ – Watson

Rooters, Southampton Shane Watson predicted a bright future for Shane Watson after his team finished their otherwise forgettable Ashes tour in style by nailing the ‘Who Gives A Fuck Cup’ one-day series with a 49-run win over England at Southampton. As he tends to do, Watson made a big hundred to keep the selectors from … Continue reading

Your call. Do you give a shit about the one-dayers in England?

Now the Tests are all done and dusted, apparently the Aussies are balls deep into the time-honoured Natwest One Day International Series against the old enemy……sort of. Australia’s 88-run win in Manchester on Sunday gives them a 1-0 lead heading into the final two games of the series, to be played in Cardiff on Saturday and Southampton … Continue reading

‘Your ears pop and stuff!’ – Warner

Rooters, Sydney Australian opening batsman David Warner has touched down in Sydney after flying home “in a big plane” from the UK. He had been omitted from the squad for the ODI series, starting with the first match against Scotland on Tuesday in Edinburgh. “I went in a big plane again!” a clearly excited Warner … Continue reading

Rooters Cricket’s Ashes report card

Rooters, Ibiza ‘Geia sas!’ from the Greek party island of Ibiza. Readers will have to excuse our tardiness in the past week. The Rooters Cricket team have been up to their eyeballs in disco bickies and bikini-clad backpackers as we enjoy a well earned rest after covering another action-packed Ashes series. Now the dust has … Continue reading

English crowds should ‘just shoosh up’ – Haddin

Rooters, London Australia’s vice-captain Brad Haddin has attempted to pull a tricky one and shift the attention of the national selectors away from his own poor performances with the bat. The incumbant team backstop, who has made six scores under 14 in the eight visits he has made to the crease during the Ashes, has … Continue reading

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“I ONLY READ ROOTERS CRICKET” – INDIAN LEGEND SACHIN TENDULKAR

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