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Alastair Cook

This tag is associated with 6 posts

‘I just miss my Mummy’ – Alastair Cook

Rooters, Sydney A deflated Alastair Cook has admitted for the first time he doesn’t know if he wants to captain his country and he misses his Mummy. On the back of its 5-0 Ashes pumping, Australia claimed the limited overs series in resounding style on Sunday at the SCG by hammering England by seven wickets with … Continue reading

Poms are shit – a review

Rooters, Sydney Fortunately enough, I’ve never been at point blank range around the stables to see a mare get serviced by a stallion. They reckon it’s not pretty. They tell me there’s a little pony involved, sort of like the ‘fluffer’ that porn producers employ to get the ‘talent’ up and about. Then they fuck … Continue reading

Graeme Swann is as weak as piss

Rooters, Melbourne Collar-popping England spin-bowling felcher Graeme Swann has sensationally retired and will play no further part in the Ashes series, which resumes at the MCG on Boxing Day. The 34-year-old soft cock had been one of several under-performing players in pooncey Alastair Cook’s touring party under pressure to retain their places for the final … Continue reading

Your call. Which Pom is the biggest front running piss weak soft cock?

If you’re anything like the rock hard Australian Test team, you’ll be sporting a gargantuan boner until Boxing Day. Then, the day after Santa’s Birthday, you’ll get on with following up a big day on the piss with your favourite alcoholic uncle with a God-Almighty monster session on the green cans for five days as … Continue reading

Hoy Cricket! Stop being a c**t!

Rooters, Manchester My old Grandpappy used to say, “Champion. The trouble with common sense is it’s not common.” And dear old Pop may well have been referring to umpires Tony Hill and Marais Erasmus who took the players off during the fourth day of the third Test at Old Trafford, much to the frustration of … Continue reading

Gatting says pick Poms last

Rooters, Nottingham Ashes-winning captain and professional pie-eater Mike Gatting has urged England to continue with their national import policy for this northern summer’s contest with Australia. In keeping with the rich tradition of claiming non-English athletes as their own, the Poms have jumped all over Scottish Wimbledon champion and dour pain-in-the-arse Mummy’s boy Andy Murray, … Continue reading

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