Darren Lehmann

This tag is associated with 14 posts

‘You’re going to bowl like a fucking gimp!’ – Lehmann

Rooters, Cape Town Peter Siddle’s refusal to strap on a nose bag has cost him a place in the Test team. The banana eating, former fast-bowler turned slow medium-pace bowling, pox doctor’s clerk has been dropped from the Australian line-up amid claims of malnutrition. Coach and selector Darren Lehmann confirmed that the team hierarchy were … Continue reading

South Africa first Test preview – stay hard!

Rooters, Johannesburg Sitting in Sydney airport awaiting his team’s flight to South Africa a couple of weeks ago, Australian captain Michael Clarke said he was unaware top-ranked South Africa had beaten No. 2 India to extend their unbeaten run to 14 series. “Fucked if I know. I didn’t watch one ball of that series to … Continue reading

‘Discontent? Nah, shit no. Watto’s awesome’ – Watson

Rooters, Southampton Shane Watson predicted a bright future for Shane Watson after his team finished their otherwise forgettable Ashes tour in style by nailing the ‘Who Gives A Fuck Cup’ one-day series with a 49-run win over England at Southampton. As he tends to do, Watson made a big hundred to keep the selectors from … Continue reading

‘Your ears pop and stuff!’ – Warner

Rooters, Sydney Australian opening batsman David Warner has touched down in Sydney after flying home “in a big plane” from the UK. He had been omitted from the squad for the ODI series, starting with the first match against Scotland on Tuesday in Edinburgh. “I went in a big plane again!” a clearly excited Warner … Continue reading

‘Shirley you can’t be serious’

Rooters, London The Cricket Australia National Selection Panel (NSP) has today announced an 18-man squad for the limited overs component of the VB Tour of England, as well as the ODI against Scotland. Commenting on the squad, National Selector John Inverarity, who played Sergeant Frank Drebin in the film ‘The Naked Gun’ and Dr. Rumack … Continue reading

‘Did I mention I didn’t make my debut until I was 30? Christ!’ – Hussey

Rooters, Sydney Mike Hussey says it would be a horrible feeling to be back in Australia’s dressing room as the tourists stumble from one Ashes loss to another, acknowledging two losses would have left a “shithouse taste in the mouth”. However Hussey, who had to wait until he was 30 to make his Test debut, said the … Continue reading

‘I done good!’ – Warner

Rooters, London David Warner has pushed his claims for an Ashes call-up by scoring 193 for Australia A in the first unofficial ‘Tin-Pot’ Test against South Africa A in Pretoria. Warner struck 29 fours and a six in his 226-ball innings before being bowled by some unknown muppet called Marchant de Lange. Warner was buoyant … Continue reading

England devastated by ‘selfish’ Watson

Rooters, London The English cricket team have revealed their dismay at Shane Watson’s decision not to review his LBW decision in the second innings of the disastrous Lord’s test. The team’s ‘Punter’s Club’, led by Tim Bresnan, had backed the metrosexual ponce to blow another review. “The selfish fucker!” Bresnan lamented. “We got him at … Continue reading

Pass the bong, Ed

Rooters, London Australia’s batsmen have been placed on notice by their coach Darren Lehmann, who declared after a memorable first Test match in charge that the team’s inability to get consistent runs from the top order and an unhealthy reliance on the tail wagging must end if the Ashes are to be won from 1-0 … Continue reading

Hurley holds key to Aussie Ashes fate

Rooters, London  Shane Warne has confirmed he will be part of the new Australian coaching structure although only when he has permission from home. New coach Darren Lehmann had said he welcomed legends like Warne into the dressing room, stating they “are an important part of what we’re trying to create. Writing in a column … Continue reading

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