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David Warner

This tag is associated with 8 posts

Warner back on top of ICC fuckwit rankings

Rooters, Durban Australian Test vice-captain David Warner has regained his number one ICC ranking as the greatest fuckwit in world cricket after a fiery day of play at Kingsmead Cricket Ground in Durban. The first Test provided a major talking point on day four when star Proteas batsman and God-bothering happy clapper AB de Villiers … Continue reading

Poms are shit – a review

Rooters, Sydney Fortunately enough, I’ve never been at point blank range around the stables to see a mare get serviced by a stallion. They reckon it’s not pretty. They tell me there’s a little pony involved, sort of like the ‘fluffer’ that porn producers employ to get the ‘talent’ up and about. Then they fuck … Continue reading

Former English Test legends lose their shit

Rooters, Brisbane Two days after slamming Australia’s batting as the “weakest Ashes line-up ever”, resident English commentary pullthrough Sir Ian Botham has described his countrymen’s first innings batting capitulation at the Gabba as “a fucking train wreck”. The front-running flip-flopper said the Poms had only themselves to blame for a spectacular collapse before tea, during … Continue reading

‘Your ears pop and stuff!’ – Warner

Rooters, Sydney Australian opening batsman David Warner has touched down in Sydney after flying home “in a big plane” from the UK. He had been omitted from the squad for the ODI series, starting with the first match against Scotland on Tuesday in Edinburgh. “I went in a big plane again!” a clearly excited Warner … Continue reading

‘Stick your song up your arse!’ – Lyon

Rooters, Durham England has won the Ashes following a monumental Australian batting collapse on day four at Chester-le-Street. Set an intimidating 299 to win, the task was never going to be easy for the tourists but after a century stand from openers David Warner and Chris Rogers the Australian middle and lower order shit the … Continue reading

‘I done good!’ – Warner

Rooters, London David Warner has pushed his claims for an Ashes call-up by scoring 193 for Australia A in the first unofficial ‘Tin-Pot’ Test against South Africa A in Pretoria. Warner struck 29 fours and a six in his 226-ball innings before being bowled by some unknown muppet called Marchant de Lange. Warner was buoyant … Continue reading

Warner to seek asylum in South Africa

Rooters, Nottingham Australia have revealed David Warner has left the Ashes squad after selectors decided he wasn’t ready to take on England in the first two Tests at Trent Bridge and Lord’s. Warner, who was suspended after punching 14-year-old Joe Root in a Birmingham bar in June, will join up with the Australia A tour … Continue reading

Warner forced to walk home from tour match

Rooters, Nottingham Michael Clarke has talked up David Warner’s chances of being involved in the first Test despite the suspended dasher making an absolute meal of the Australian team’s drinks during the warm-up match against Worcester. “I think he’s certainly served his punishment,” Clarke said. “We made him walk home to the team hotel. You … Continue reading

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