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Michael Clarke

This tag is associated with 16 posts

‘Some people need a coffee…..’ – Smith

Rooters, Port Elizabeth The turmoil and uncertainty created by Mitchell Johnson and Australia’s thumping first Test win appears to have lingered into South Africa’s arse-about preparation for the second Test in Port Elizabeth. Amid remarkable scenes at yesterday’s coin toss, Australian captain Michael Clarke was left standing next to the pitch for five minutes awaiting … Continue reading

South Africa first Test preview – stay hard!

Rooters, Johannesburg Sitting in Sydney airport awaiting his team’s flight to South Africa a couple of weeks ago, Australian captain Michael Clarke said he was unaware top-ranked South Africa had beaten No. 2 India to extend their unbeaten run to 14 series. “Fucked if I know. I didn’t watch one ball of that series to … Continue reading

‘I just miss my Mummy’ – Alastair Cook

Rooters, Sydney A deflated Alastair Cook has admitted for the first time he doesn’t know if he wants to captain his country and he misses his Mummy. On the back of its 5-0 Ashes pumping, Australia claimed the limited overs series in resounding style on Sunday at the SCG by hammering England by seven wickets with … Continue reading

Poms are shit – a review

Rooters, Sydney Fortunately enough, I’ve never been at point blank range around the stables to see a mare get serviced by a stallion. They reckon it’s not pretty. They tell me there’s a little pony involved, sort of like the ‘fluffer’ that porn producers employ to get the ‘talent’ up and about. Then they fuck … Continue reading

Anderson ‘said he’d give me a ‘chinese burn” – Bailey

Rooters, Sydney George Bailey, the mature-aged debutant whose confrontation with James Anderson ignited the tense finale to the first Test, says he was not perturbed by a threat from the England fast bowler to give him a “chinese burn” and predicts the “naughty words” that were exchanged at the Gabba will continue in Adelaide next … Continue reading

‘Discontent? Nah, shit no. Watto’s awesome’ – Watson

Rooters, Southampton Shane Watson predicted a bright future for Shane Watson after his team finished their otherwise forgettable Ashes tour in style by nailing the ‘Who Gives A Fuck Cup’ one-day series with a 49-run win over England at Southampton. As he tends to do, Watson made a big hundred to keep the selectors from … Continue reading

Rooters Cricket’s Ashes report card

Rooters, Ibiza ‘Geia sas!’ from the Greek party island of Ibiza. Readers will have to excuse our tardiness in the past week. The Rooters Cricket team have been up to their eyeballs in disco bickies and bikini-clad backpackers as we enjoy a well earned rest after covering another action-packed Ashes series. Now the dust has … Continue reading

‘Stick your song up your arse!’ – Lyon

Rooters, Durham England has won the Ashes following a monumental Australian batting collapse on day four at Chester-le-Street. Set an intimidating 299 to win, the task was never going to be easy for the tourists but after a century stand from openers David Warner and Chris Rogers the Australian middle and lower order shit the … Continue reading

Hoy Cricket! Stop being a c**t!

Rooters, Manchester My old Grandpappy used to say, “Champion. The trouble with common sense is it’s not common.” And dear old Pop may well have been referring to umpires Tony Hill and Marais Erasmus who took the players off during the fourth day of the third Test at Old Trafford, much to the frustration of … Continue reading

Pass the bong, Ed

Rooters, London Australia’s batsmen have been placed on notice by their coach Darren Lehmann, who declared after a memorable first Test match in charge that the team’s inability to get consistent runs from the top order and an unhealthy reliance on the tail wagging must end if the Ashes are to be won from 1-0 … Continue reading

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