Shane Watson

This tag is associated with 11 posts

Watson prefers private “rub and tug”

Rooters, London Chalky-boned Australian all-rounder Shane “Quentin” Watson says it is incredibly sad for cricket fans that Kevin Pietersen is being denied the opportunity to play for the Poms in the upcoming Ashes series. “It’s incredibly sad for the cricket-loving public not to be able to see Kevin Pietersen stand around shining his Oakleys for … Continue reading

South Africa first Test preview – stay hard!

Rooters, Johannesburg Sitting in Sydney airport awaiting his team’s flight to South Africa a couple of weeks ago, Australian captain Michael Clarke said he was unaware top-ranked South Africa had beaten No. 2 India to extend their unbeaten run to 14 series. “Fucked if I know. I didn’t watch one ball of that series to … Continue reading

Poms are shit – a review

Rooters, Sydney Fortunately enough, I’ve never been at point blank range around the stables to see a mare get serviced by a stallion. They reckon it’s not pretty. They tell me there’s a little pony involved, sort of like the ‘fluffer’ that porn producers employ to get the ‘talent’ up and about. Then they fuck … Continue reading

Shane Watson is a pain in the arse

Rooters, Perth   A couple of weeks before the Gabba Test, Shane Watson sat in front of a mirror in the foyer of the Intercontinental Hotel in Sydney and he was talking about Shane Watson. Specifically, he was talking about Shane Watson’s hair. And Shane Watson’s muscles. “As long as I have time to get … Continue reading

‘Discontent? Nah, shit no. Watto’s awesome’ – Watson

Rooters, Southampton Shane Watson predicted a bright future for Shane Watson after his team finished their otherwise forgettable Ashes tour in style by nailing the ‘Who Gives A Fuck Cup’ one-day series with a 49-run win over England at Southampton. As he tends to do, Watson made a big hundred to keep the selectors from … Continue reading

Rooters Cricket’s Ashes report card

Rooters, Ibiza ‘Geia sas!’ from the Greek party island of Ibiza. Readers will have to excuse our tardiness in the past week. The Rooters Cricket team have been up to their eyeballs in disco bickies and bikini-clad backpackers as we enjoy a well earned rest after covering another action-packed Ashes series. Now the dust has … Continue reading

‘Stick your song up your arse!’ – Lyon

Rooters, Durham England has won the Ashes following a monumental Australian batting collapse on day four at Chester-le-Street. Set an intimidating 299 to win, the task was never going to be easy for the tourists but after a century stand from openers David Warner and Chris Rogers the Australian middle and lower order shit the … Continue reading

‘Did I mention I didn’t make my debut until I was 30? Christ!’ – Hussey

Rooters, Sydney Mike Hussey says it would be a horrible feeling to be back in Australia’s dressing room as the tourists stumble from one Ashes loss to another, acknowledging two losses would have left a “shithouse taste in the mouth”. However Hussey, who had to wait until he was 30 to make his Test debut, said the … Continue reading

Your call. Which Australian is the biggest pain in the arse?

The Aussies are a team full of underachieving, overrated, flat-track bullies who caused Rooters Cricket’s own Shane Keith Warne to fly to bits with Liz at the Ascot Races. The poor bastard! We’re certainly spoilt for choice when it comes to choosing the bloke we love to hate in the Australian squad. Or are we? … Continue reading

England devastated by ‘selfish’ Watson

Rooters, London The English cricket team have revealed their dismay at Shane Watson’s decision not to review his LBW decision in the second innings of the disastrous Lord’s test. The team’s ‘Punter’s Club’, led by Tim Bresnan, had backed the metrosexual ponce to blow another review. “The selfish fucker!” Bresnan lamented. “We got him at … Continue reading

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